the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
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Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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