peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize