She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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