i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
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I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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