You just made me feel so damn special
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
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apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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