A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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