Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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