the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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