I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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