I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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