So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize