Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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