Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Randomize