peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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