I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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