If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
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His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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