omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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