thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize