I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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