i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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