The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
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how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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