My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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