come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Are we still banned from the library?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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