I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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