the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize