if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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