I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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