I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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