I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I supernannyed him into submission
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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