If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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