and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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