now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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