my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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