Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize