The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize