I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
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This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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