when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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