Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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