the condom got lost in my hair
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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