My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
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He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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