hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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