So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
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The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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