We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
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I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
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You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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