Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize