SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
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my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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