sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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