my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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