Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think people are normalizing furries
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