Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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