Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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